Think you got what it takes to write for Cracked. Then submit an article or some other pieces of content. Hey, why can’t I vote on comments? Cracked only offers narcissism and social media pdf voting to subscribing members.

If you’re already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us! We’ve always known that computer networks would destroy the world. We just thought they’d get super-intelligent first. Instead, we got social networks, which act as a stupidity X-ray: You suddenly see through the intelligent people your friends pretend to be to the LOLing Farmville players underneath.

Narcissism is excessive self-love, inflated self-importance and unjustified feelings of entitlement. Along with electrons, it is the primary active ingredient in the Internet. Three years ago, psychologists decided to publish a research paper on its prevalence on social networking sites, presumably because they didn’t think anyone would read the entire set of encyclopedias they could have filled, and simply publishing the words “Everything on all of them” felt too glib. My body is nothing special” versus “I like to look at my body,” and “I can learn from other people” versus “I can solve most global problems by spitting on them.

Researchers then monitored the student’s Facebook activity for what they called objective and subjective factors, and compared that with how they scored on the NPI. 7 on the It-normalized Birthday Trauma scale according to Science. 100 of the students were female so the scientists clearly know how to get strangers to look at things online. The nine scales used included Attractiveness, Sexiness, Provocativeness and Fun. Quantum communications will revolutionize streaming of our GILF threesomes! For users of social networking, the results were not encouraging.

Narcissism ratings were higher in every single category, including how narcissistic people assume you are just for having an account. Posting large amounts of information on your profile page was both perceived as narcissistic by others, and more common among narcissists. Look at this douchebag talking about things that aren’t me. Meanwhile, people viewing your profile encourage your narcissism. For instance, another big indicator was “provocative pictures,” aka “You’re not fooling anyone by casually posting pictures like that.

Omigawd, nearly forgot to set the webcam before “accidentally” leaning forward too far! The only negative correlation was “entertaining quotes,” implying that people who post funny material online are the opposite of narcissistic. Short form: If you don’t think you’re inherently worth looking at, you try to be funny instead. If someone tells you they have 4,000 friends, chances are they’re including you as one of them despite having just made sure it’s not the case. When you hit four digits, you have a worse definition of friends than Boo Radley, and he still spent time interacting with his friends. God, I wish my son would go out and take drugs.

One-hundred and fifty-three students filled out surveys and rated fake Facebook profiles on social and physical attractiveness. These fake profiles were identical except for the number of friends listed. The scientists noticed a hill-shaped relationship between friends and attractiveness: Having more friends means you’re more attractive, up to what they mysteriously failed to call the “Bullshit Threshold. This is what it looks like when a scientist calls you NEEEERRRRRRD! The scientists also analyzed the participating students. One claimed to have over 2,700 friends, and the scientists added a footnote with all the statistics re-calculated without that person.

Even in a study about how many friends imaginary accounts could pretend to have, the researchers looked at this asshole and said, “They’re so stupid it’s throwing off our math. They also confirmed Tila Tequila as the most unpopular person on the planet. The Role of Friends’ Appearance and Behavior on Evaluations of Individuals on Facebook: Are We Known by the Company We Keep? Obviously, negative gender stereotypes exist on the Internet, because it’s 90 percent porn. But at least they’re getting paid for it.

Every other woman gets it for free. Judging others by a picture is apparently a recipe for turning people into assholes — interacting with a monitor and keyboard means people feel less empathy. They also don’t bother pretending to be nice, which is a pity, because “pretending to be nice” is pretty much what made the nonwarring part of human history possible. Just like all innocent scientific experiments involving groups of teenagers, the results were horrifying: enough sexism to make Sterling Cooper look like the Mother Goddess Freegan Collective. If you sit on me we use less sofa material, saving the environment. Typographical errors in these messages were intentional and reflect common writing characteristics in Facebook postings.